Ring Rebuild
2010
Ring Rebuild
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US $17.95
Rihanna's "Magic Mood Ring"
Susan Murphy Milano addresses Rihanna's reactions to Chris Brown.
There is a definite buzz more like a criticism of the entertainer Rihanna since her brutal attack of then boyfriend Chris Brown. People have a lot of questions about why she has refused to discuss or even comment on the crime. Like most women involved in a violent relationship Rhianna obviously thinks Chris Brown, given all the attention, will never lay a hand on her again. But this is part of the victimization that a person experiences.
Rihianna choose Chris Brown whom was like all abuser's a gentle and loving person when they began the relationship. Over time his temper tantrums were kept under control or hidden as the relationship grew. As most women who found themselves do they are often willing to put up with things behind closed doors that no one ever see’s but them. Why? Because like Rihanna they need and want the relationship, but, like Rihanna a woman believes she can change the person’s violent behavior.
This woman loves Chris Brown she knows him from the inside out and is willing to take the good days over the few bad days. Rihanna is no different than any other young woman in a potentially dangerous dating relationship. She has the same emotions, needs, desires and feelings as you or I. The only difference is she happens to be famous.
This behavior is more like denial that we are witnessing and it is normal for victims in these relationships. You are probably saying to yourself, “Uh, how can she stay with him after that beating?” If that were me I would leave and never return. This is easier said than accomplished for victims of dating or abusive relationships. The shame and embarrassment that a victim experiences can be more overwhelming than the beating itself. This may not make sense but follow my logic for a moment. Why is it that when a woman goes into painful labor then gives birth, is she so eager to repeat the pain and talk about having another child? It is because the love was worth the sacrifice. The same dynamic could be said of a teenager or battered woman. The love overrides the pain endured in the relationship.
A victim of abuse that included spousal rape and stalking is different than a stranger affected by a random violent crime. For a battered woman the offender is an intimate and former trusted part in her life. She become confused as we are witnessing with Rihanna as she tries to absorb the impact of being deeply hurt by Chris Brown whom she believed in her heart was nurturing and protective of her.
Rihanna has made excuses for the abuse she suffered that night at the hands of Brown saying yo herself maybe she yelled first or said something that upset Brown triggering his violent rage. All a victim like Rihanna remembers are only the goods times quickly wanting to forget and then decide to forgive Brown so she can rebuild from a new foundation. When there was no foundation from the begining. The problem is, once the foundation is cracked, the trust removed the relationship is forever beyond repair. No amount of counseling, similar to a magic mood ring, in my opinion, will change the abuser. Once a man raises his hand it will swing over its' victim like an ape hanging in the trees waiting for the next opportunity to relay the anger into another beating.
And that goes for Chris Brown!
About the Author
Susan Murphy Milano, an Expert Domestic Violence Advocate, has developed specific tools and procedures the abused need to safely leave a violent relationship. Her books, “Defending Our Lives” and “Moving Out, Moving On” are considered the bibles of how to make the move away from abuse and deal with the many confusing situations surrounding a break-up or divorce. She has two new books scheduled for release in 2009, “Time’s Up” and “Holding My Hand Through Hell.”
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